Why do I act this way? Its almost like I'm trying to push my daughter away.
When in reality I'm just tired of everyone else... the frustration has built up for so long I'm having a hard time keeping my cool.

I'm like a teenager who is always frustrated and willing to fight. The nagging of others and the ideas they have on how I should parent I feel like a constant letdown because I can never meet others expectations, then I think why do they expect so much from me and just put myself down thinking since I can't do anything right or am not good enough maybe I should just stop trying so hard to be excepted, maybe I can't draw good enough so why should I even bother drawing anymore maybe I can't design things for people fast enough or good enough maybe I should just stop, everyone tells me to stop , stop thinking about working in that field of design its to hard to get a job or there is no stability or you wouldn't be able to work the hours anyways, so I should just stop right. Even though people around me are always telling me I can't do things I still want too , I'm not sure if its to prove them wrong or just because doing those types of jobs make me happy. 

But I find I daught myself all the time and I'm tired and angry ... all I want to do is make sierra happy give her a life I didn't have keep her from having to worry about things in life that children shouldn't have too. but I end up hurting the one I love the most .... sighs

I somehow end up pushing her away I don't mean too but I do and the real issue is how do I let her know that I love her , that I'll never leave her, that she is everything to me, even when I'm upset I don't mean to yell or get angry or make her feel bad ... I love her so much but how can I hurt her so at the same time, why are people so selfish? am I really that selfish too?I need to stop trying to get others around her to want to spend time with her and just be with her myself. I want to hide her from the scary things in this world , I want to protect her, I want to keep her safe but I also want her more then anything to grow up knowing that she is truly loved.

I want to take her away from all this sadness that she feels.